Imagine if we all were human beings.

‘A feminist is someone who believes in social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.’

The book made me sit down and write my story. It was a brilliant read and a reminder that we still have a long way to go.

To start with I am a Lithuanian who came to London 12 years ago. I was given one way ticket to this amazing country that was supposed to deliver 2 things; stack me up with money and change my life. I have to say the latter definitely happened. Arriving with very little English — and from a small town — it felt like I was dreaming…I was lucky, and I should be thankful for everyone who helped me along the way. Today I am thankful, to my husband, my son, and some brilliant people who decided that I deserve the job I have now.

Sheryl talks about all sorts of situations where women are treated quite differently from men — from not knowing where the women’s toilets are, to being judged when you get pregnant and decide to pursue your career. A few ideas stood out as incredibly familiar.

‘Sit at the table’

Be present, join the table, sit down and contribute like everyone else.

I have to say…it takes a lot of courage.

I spent my first 8 years here in London working at the factory. I started at the very bottom, picking and packing prints. That’s where a lot of Eastern Europeans starts their careers or in cleaning hotel rooms or working in food factories (been there too!). It took me a while to learn the language and break through into a management position.

Did this make me happy? I was jumping up and down and could not believe it, but that soon became a burden to my soul. Things I had to listen to in that office made me absolutely furious. I somehow managed to find myself situated in a little men’s club where they would laugh at people on a shop floor, they would refer to people ‘bodies’, and take every opportunity to leave work earlier. I was ashamed to be a part of it, but I really wanted to make a difference. To ‘sit at the table’ was extremely difficult and I would spend most of my work hours somewhere on a shop floor.

Then I became pregnant.

I met my husband at the same company, and we decided to hide our relationship as we were concerned that HR and some of the management wouldn’t take it well. How do I know that? Well, let’s just say instead of reading newspaper with coffee in the morning, everyone would discuss internal relationships and decide how long one or another couple will stay together. I didn’t want to be famous.

This reminded me of another point made by Sheryl — ‘Don’t leave before you leave. I was scared and desperate for my all pregnancy. What if they will find out? What if I will lose my job? What if?! When I went on my maternity leave just 5 months in, I started to receive messages from some people asking to confirm if I am definitely not coming back. I was shocked. Scared. And I straight away contacted my manager to say that I will be coming in to check in on how things are going and show that I am willing to come back soon. The man who was temporarily in my position made himself way too comfortable and was telling people that of course, I will not be coming back, I just had a kid, right? So, what’s the point? Well, I proved him wrong. But that added a lot of stress to an already stressful situation. And this was only a start…

It followed up with a base salary increase for my position. I mean for everyone else working in that position, but not me as I was on maternity leave. I couldn’t understand how that was possible. Again, I was made to believe that because I decided to have a family, I was worth less. It was a long conversation with management and HR people, but I didn’t give up the fight. Finally, they decided to give me that increased base salary.

The men would carry out a simple task, like moving a table, and everyone was clapping hands and calling him employee of the month, I would do actual quality improvements, take up courses, implement kanban flow and the response would be cool, what’s next? It was very clear that I had to move on. It was sad, but I knew that I took as much as I could, and it was time to actually divert my career toward what I do today.

This brings me to another point that Sheryl talks about — ‘Make your partner a real partner.’

If it wasn’t for my husband’s constant support, I probably would be still working for that company and feeling frustrated every day. He told me — do whatever you like, whatever makes you happy, I am here, and I will support you. I fully stepped into the delivery side of the tech world and even though I started in a junior position, I was coming back home every day knowing that I learned something new, I met some interesting people, and I was treated a lot better — human.

Once I grasped this new world, I felt confident enough to go for a different opportunity. The job sounded like something I could do and would have autonomy and be responsible for delivering value to customers. All I wanted was to build autonomous teams and try things out that I was passionate about. It didn’t take long to get some feedback. And it wasn’t about my work, in particular, my 1:1s were all about my language skills. I was reminded every time that I don’t speak the ‘Queens English’ and that if I want to keep going up career steps, I should take some courses. I was actually sent some links for reduced online English punctuation courses, as you can see — I didn’t take them. It reminded me that probably because I’m a woman and from Lithuania didn’t help at all in being treated equally…especially with some male colleagues.

In spite of this, I constantly tried to remind myself of my previous manager’s words — ‘If I can do it, you can do it too.’ Sam was an amazing leader and mentor. I have no idea what he thought of me, but to this day his words keep me going forward. I will be forever thankful for him introducing a ’25-book challenge’. He suggested reading a book every 2 weeks and having a couple of weeks spare for the Christmas holidays. Nearly 4 years later I am still pursuing that challenge and I have to say, thanks to that challenge, I read this book too. I find it extremely fulfilling to have a good read, especially in a space of product, agility, and coaching.

‘Until women have supportive employers and colleagues as well as partners who share family responsibilities, they don’t have a real choice. And until men are fully respected for contributing inside the home, they don’t have a real choice either. Equal opportunity is not equal unless everyone receives the encouragement that makes seizing those opportunities possible. Only then can both men and women achieve their full potential.’

I am not a good cook. Where I come from, we only ate potatoes and sour cream! My husband is a wonderful chef, he has a lot of ideas, and he loves spending time in the kitchen with good music and a new recipe idea! He is an amazing dad who plays with his son, teaches him how to make pancakes, and introduces him (according to my son) to the best music — Damon Albarn and Joy division! We share bedtime routines and pick-ups and drop-offs at school. I feel guilty when I stay at company gatherings or travel for work, but I know that they are having a good time. He is an amazing father and husband. But he sometimes jokes like ‘oh so she is the boss of the house’ make it all confusing. We contribute together to all things, and I don’t think it’s fair to suggest that if a man is staying at home and spending time with his child he is less ‘in charge’ however ridiculous that sounds.

Just over a year ago I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. That added a lot of anxiety in my life as well as my family’s. We all had to learn and still learning how to live with it, deal with it and make it as easy as possible. And my husband does everything he can to make it easier for me. I am aware how difficult it is to be around this disease which makes me sometimes an unbearable person to deal with. But I am forever thankful to have his support and understanding.

This year I had an opportunity to change my job. And it was the best move I’ve made in a long time. It is so powerful to know that I was offered a job not because I know someone, but because people decided that I am good enough for the job. I thought I knew what being autonomous meant, but this is another level!

I have a supportive mentor, should I say line manager, who never makes me feel down. Who gives me feedback that I can work on and that is based on facts rather than her wishes. I have supportive colleagues. It’s nice not to hear comments like ‘oh this is too technical for you’. I feel like I am growing every day, I have a lot of opportunities and room to learn, improve and go at my pace. I like to think that I am a ‘career-loving parent’ supported both by my employer and my husband. The most important I am constantly reminded that my health comes first, and I should always take care of myself and my family. This is extremely important to me as previously I was struggling with that a lot. It was always as if people would say that, but never mean it and expectations would be completely different. I am glad this time it is different.

‘The goal is to work toward a world where those social norms no longer exist. If more children see fathers at school pickups and mothers who are busy at jobs, both girls and boys will not be set by gender but by personal passion, talents, and interests.’

I still have difficulty talking to my family back in Lithuania. Unfortunately, it was more of a controlling environment. My dad died when I was 12 which meant that my mum had to go to work…a lot. My brother tried to do the right thing and be a dad to me. Which made things so bad that today we have nothing to say to each other. My mum still can’t understand how I dare sit on the sofa while my husband cooks dinner for me..

I am not perfect either. I forget about simple things and encourage women around me to seek careers and go the ladder up forgetting that sometimes people are happy where they are. ‘Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.’

I have still a long way to go and be an example for others. But I am very close to acknowledging that it’s not that ‘I am lucky’ to have a job or a husband or a family, but I deserve it.

But most importantly I hope my son will grow up to be a free person. I hope he will understand that he has a choice and that he didn’t deserve something just because he is a white male. I hope he will be a part of making this world a better place for everyone around him. My biggest fear is not having a relationship with him when he will grow up and I work hard every day to keep our relationship open, honest, and two-way. What if we all take one action today towards more equal humanity? Can we make this world a better place for others?

I do not regret anything that I’ve done or that happened to me. They were and still are very valuable lessons that I continue to learn from and improve upon. I could have told all of those people that they are crushing me, but I decided to stay scared and quiet.

Sadly, there are people in way worse positions out there today and their stories might not have a happy ending. But we can change that. You can.